When is the best time to have another?
Researchers have tried to tackle this question, and while they can't say definitively that every woman should wait two to three years between births, many of the studies do settle roughly on that time frame.
Here's a rundown of the experts' views:
• Waiting 18 to 23 months after the birth of your last child before conceiving another seems best for the new baby's health, according to several studies. Having a gap of less than 17 months is associated with a significantly increased risk of having a baby of prematurely and underweight. The risks are highest for babies conceived less than six months after the birth of a previous child. And those conceived more than 59 months (about five years) after their closest sibling also face an increased risk for these outcomes compared to babies conceived 18 to 23 months after the last birth.
• Experts think that a mother's body needs time to recover from the stress of giving birth and replenish all the nutrients she lost as a result of the first pregnancy. Conceiving again 18 to 23 months after giving birth may also capitalise on changes to your body as a result of the previous pregnancy and birth that benefit carrying another baby. For example, it may be that increased blood flow to the uterus from the last pregnancy benefits the next baby, but that there is a limited time window of about two years before blood flow returns to pre-pregnancy levels.
• When your first is under one year or over four years is the ideal time in terms of the children's relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, according to Jeannie Kidwell, a professor of family studies. She believes children under one don't have a sense of their special status yet, and that those over four have had enough time to enjoy attention from Mummy and Daddy, plus they now have a life of their own. According to her research, the benefits of these small or wide sibling spacings can extend into adolescence.
There is no right or wrong answer here, though the research, above, suggests it might not be wise to get pregnant if you've got a baby under six months. People go both ways on this question. Some think the older your other children, the better. That way they've had plenty of time with you and they can understand and even talk about the effect another child might have. Others think spacing your children close together ensures they'll be playmates for life, and that you won't be spending the rest of your life raising small children.
Here's what some other BabyCentre mums have to say on the subject:
• Sue Wilkes, who works for a publishing company, says: "My two boys are three and half years apart and I think that spacing is great. My older son was out of nappies by the time the younger one was born, so I loved the idea of having a baby again. And they've got their own lives, so I don't get a lot of sibling rivalry. In fact, they really enjoy being with each other."
• Hannah Lumley, a midwife who is pregnant with her third child, says: "My first two are three and half years apart. That gave me plenty of time alone with my first. I think the older the child, the better, because they're that much more independent and can mentally and emotionally handle the baby. In some ways I wish there was a bigger age gap between my second child and the new baby -- they'll only be two years apart. I'm dreading having two in nappies at the same time. And I'm worried about the physical challenge of having two who need so much of my time."
• Shop manager Cathy Duke says: "My three children are all about a year and half apart, and although it was really tough when they were all babies, in many ways it was great. They really entertained each other and have stayed very close."
How will another child change your lifestyle?
Are you settled into a nice routine with your other children? Do you have good childcare set up? Are your other children sleeping through the night? Perhaps you've reached the point where you and your partner have time for each other again. Maybe you've gone back to work and you love it. These are all important considerations when you're thinking of having another. Remember, a newborn will take over your life. Consider whether you have the time and energy an infant requires, and whether your children are ready to deal with the reality of a baby in the house.
What's your financial situation?
Money isn't everything, but you do need some financial stability when you're raising a family. Considering that each child costs thousands of pounds a year to care for, you'll need a little extra in your monthly budget before you conceive another child (or you'll need to pull your belt in another notch!). It's important to consider your work situation, too. Many women find it more difficult to keep up with full- or even part-time work once the second or third child comes along. Can you afford to stay at home or to pay for the new baby's childcare if you want to stay in your job?
"My daughter is almost four and we haven't had another yet because we're worried about affording everything," says Stephanie Newman, who works in a building society. "We didn't have much money when we had our first so we know what it's like not to be able to pay for things. We want to be better prepared for the next one."
How old are you?
Age is a factor for women who are planning to have more than one child. If you're 38 years old and you want two more children, for example, you don't have the luxury of spacing them three years apart. But if you're under 30 and you don't have any health problems that could make conception difficult, you can be a little more flexible with your timing. There are no hard and fast cut-offs in terms of age. Many women can still get pregnant in their early 40s but fertility rates do drop dramatically once you reach 35. (Learn more about your chances of getting pregnant at different ages).
Do you and your partner agree?
Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn't. It's hard to be in sync all the time. This is a tough one to settle but the first step is to start talking about your differences. Sit down together and discuss your points of view. You may not solve anything at that moment but you'll have a better understanding of the issues. It might help to talk to others in this situation too.
What does your heart say?
You can mull over the pluses and minuses of having another child forever, without coming to a firm conclusion. This is one of those decisions that's best led by the heart, so go ahead and follow yours. If you want another baby, and your partner (if you have one) wants one too, there may be no time like the present.
Reviewed May 2007
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